CHILD REARING PRACTICES.

INTRODUCTION

The way you raise your children can affect how successful they will be later in life.

There are various ways of child rearing practices they include:

1. Authoritarian parents: These are also referred to as autocratic or dictatorial parents. Parents in this category are insensitive of the children’s needs for expression. They are characteristically have  rare communication with their children. There are others who communicate but the communication is significantly negative. For instance, these parents who only talk to their children when they are reprimanding them. Most of these parents believe that children are there seen but not to be listened to. There communication is parent centered and does not give the child a chance express their own feelings.

                         Characteristics of children reared in this style

Extreme obedience. The fact that these children have been trained to follow the sacred rules, without questioning makes them obey to the extreme. These children follow directives from whoever is in authority without rising an eye brow, even when they do not quite agree or when they are not very sure. These children are likely taken advantage of by authority figures even if it is to their disadvantage.

They are likely to be timid. Due to harshness of their parents, these children fear that they may fail to perform to the expected level. They suffer from anxiety.

They have difficulties establishing relationships with peers. Authoritarian parents introduce their children into a hostile world. Children brought up in this style may not learn how to live in warm  relationship and may show some inferiority or be hostile when interacting with others. As a result they may not enjoy mutual relationships with others.

They could be aggressive and out of control. There are cases where children brought up in this style find the situation too harsh to cope with. They become hardened and rough. Such  children defy authority and can be very rough with others.

They are likely to be ignorant of many facts. This could be attributed by lack of explanation opportunities. These children are not likely to be innovative since they have to follow parent’s directives.

2.Authoritative parents

These are democratic parents. They allow dialogue between them and their children. Although they are willing to exercise control over their children they try to be understanding and rational. These parents reason with their children. They set realistic and consistent rules. They carefully explain the rules and allow some degree of independence and self-direction. They expect their children to make some substantive contribution in matters concerning their lives and activities. Parents appreciate their children’s participation.

                            Characteristics of children reared in this style

Independent. Since they are allowed to some degree of independence, these children trust their performance and freely work on their own.

Adventurous. The fact that these children are given some independence makes them become innovative. Their quest to know as a child is allowed to flourish. This leads them to get involved in finding out through experiments and adventure.

Altruism. Children learn a lot through role modeling. Through identification, children learn to behave like their parents. Since the parents have been role warm towards others. They learn to give a hand just like their parents have been concerned about their welfare. These children are likely to be popular among peers.

Self confidence. As their parents appreciate their contribution, these children learn that they have something to offer. They learn to acquire self respect and consequently believe in themselves.

Achievement oriented. Since these children are not pressured to perform, they set goals and pursue them. The cordial relationship that they enjoy with their parents propels them to gain mastery in their performance.

3. Permissive parents 

These parents allow their children to have their own way whatever it takes. They give them whatever they ask for. They are accepting and non-evaluating resources for their children. Parents using the  style hardly exert power or control over their children. They have little or no control over their children’s behavior.

                   Characteristics of children reared   in this style.

Aggressive. This is particularly common among children whose parents show no concern about aggressiveness at home. Such children are not likely to know that it is wrong to be aggressive.

Immaturity. The fact that the parents have not allowed these children to face challenges and solve them makes them remain childish especially in matters regarding to social interaction in peer relationships.

Avoid responsibility. Since their parents have not accustomed them to playing distinct roles at home, these children are  not likely to take responsibility. For example they avoid duties at school.

Lack self confidence. As they interact with others, they are ridiculed for their crude behavior. They feel embarrassed by their own behavior and this leads to loss of self confidence.

Anxiety. Since they are uncertain about what their behavior and the consequences, these children are likely to be habitually anxious.

4. Neglecting parents

These are the most un-involved parents. They are selfish and show little interest if any in their children’s activities. They are often unaware of their children’s whereabouts or their welfare. These parents are mainly concerned about their own immediate needs and convenient. They fail to teach their children attributes necessary for an effective social life.

                        Characteristics of children reared in this style.

Showing disturbance in relationships with peers and adults. Since the child lacked warm relationship in the formative years, he/she may not feel comfortable in relating with others.

Presence of anti-social behavior. Children are subjected to fending for themselves and lack guidance. They may thus be involved in vices such as truancy at school or other forms of juvenile delinquency.

They are likely to be moody and disobedient. Due to emotional imbalances that are associated with neglect and insecurity, these children may not afford to be consistent in their interaction with others.

Lack of sense of direction. These children have received little or no guidance at all and may be engaged in trial and error practices.

Poor performance at school. Factors such as truancy, absenteeism and involvement in vices divert the energy that could be directed to academics. Children who feel neglected may day-dream in class hence fail to learn in class.

                                          Tips for parenting.

1. Your children are not to be considered as your mere substitutes of the materialization of lost dreams.

2. Your children are not mere reservoirs for downloading your frustrations in your past life.

3. Your children too are unique individuals with distinctive identity and personality.

4. Do not expect your children to reciprocate the same love and protection you have extended to them.

5. Wether or not your children reciprocate your care and love, you have no choice but to rear them decently and justifiably as much as you can.

6. Expose them gradually to challenges and tests so that they will be brave themselves.

7. Stuff them with detached and disinterested love and care rather than excessive subjective affection.

8. Provide your children with comforts but never try to gratify their want for luxuries.

                                    Principles of child rearing.

1. Pay careful attention to your marriage or yourself, if you are single parent. Your marriage if it is strong and satisfying, will give your children more security than any amount of attention. If you are single, your sense of self respect and fulfillment as a person can act as the same sort of anchor for children.

2. Expect your children to obey you. Don’t apologize for decisions you make. Children need strong, confident parents upon whom they count to be authoritative, decisive and trust worthy. You are in charge of the family. As long as children live in your house, they don’t have the right to make decisions for themselves, you allow them the privilege of making decisions and you always have the option of revoking that privilege if it is abused.

3. Don’t be intimidated by the experts. Use suggestions and ideas that make sense to you and your family, but remember that all parent make mistakes now and then, and children are not permanently scarred by them. Raise your children your way and enjoy the results.

4. Turn off television. Preschool children need to play so that they can develop basic competency skills, learned by touching and exploring their environment. Nothing happens when a child sits passively in front of a television screen. Children should not be allowed to watch television until they have learned to read and enjoy books usually between class three and four.

5. Say no, and say it often. If the response is a tantrum, so be it Exposure to frustrations prepare children for the realities of adulthood and gives them tolerance a key ingredient to every successful story. Your obligation is not to make your children happy but to give them the skills to pursue happiness on their own. Don’t say arbitrarily, rules must be consistent and the reasons for them explained.

                                   Reference.

Bee,H and Boyd.(1996).The developing child.USA:Allyn and Bacon

Kostelnic,Stein,Whiren and Soderman(1993).Guiding Children’s Social Development.USA:South-Western Publishing company